i wish my penis had a tongue
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
