Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
