i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
