But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
