shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
