laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
