Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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