I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
