so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
