I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
