I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
