My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't turn off my feet"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
