apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
