I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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