I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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