ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
