those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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