I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
