Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
