He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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