My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
