it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
