On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
