This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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