I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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