Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize