I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
