Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
