lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
