So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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