I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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