Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
