wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
