My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
