No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
