Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize