This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
