So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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