tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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