Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this hospital has no fireball
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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