I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
