So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
