bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
