i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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