at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
