The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
