Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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