dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
