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In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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