I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
