No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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