I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
