Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
