Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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