it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
