how can u be prego again
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
