Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
