If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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