Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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