Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
not ubering you a puppy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
