Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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