tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize