I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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