He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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