fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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