Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
