After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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