Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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