It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize