she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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