he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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